kick at the darkness
April 10, 2006 by thinking girl
well, I'm almost done my coursework for the term. I have one more paper to write, and one exam later in the month that I'm not really all that concerned about right now. Then the term is done, and I will be one step closer to completing my degree. I've bene thinking about my term, and the courses I've taken. I've kind of been a bit unsatisfied with this term. I feel like in a couple of courses, I haven't really learned anything. What I mean is, I feel like the courses are such a short survey of relevant arguments and papers, that it's hard to get any depth out of the subject. I guess that's what grad school is for: take a subject you find interesting and study it intensively for a year or two. I don't know. I mean, I know I'm learning a lot and that it's affecting the way I view the world and blah blah, which is all very important and yadda yadda. But I still feel like I need more depth. Hmmm. Maybe a master's is the ticket. I do like research and writing. I'm not sure it's hands-on enough for my liking; I still feel like in my lifetime, if I work hard enough and enough other people work hard enough, things might change for the poor, the oppressed, the marginalized. I feel like I have to roll up my sleeves and get in there, into the fray, make some sort of difference. But I need more tools, more tools. How do I go about it? More school, more school. But the longer I study, the longer I am till I can do the work that will help. I don't need to make a name for myself; I just need to make a difference.So in one sense, this small accomplishment of getting through another term, getting one term closer to graduation, feels like some daylight is bleeding in. But in another sense, it still feels pitch black and long from dawn.
The solution might be to find a way to do some sort of field work as part of a master’s. Or to become a voice: as you dig more and more into your subject, you can create occasions to raise awareness, to speak up. A friend of mine is doing that. Parallel to her PhD work, she’s very active with a group she helped create who campains against the issues she is researching. Although she is not the one doing the actual speaking, she gets people to hear others talk about their experience, their research, their fight.
you’re right, Marc Andre. Good suggestions - I would love to do some volunteering, but I will have to wait until I am finished my coursework in December, otherwise I am afraid I won’t have much time to devote to being helpful between school and working. But it’s true, I certainly could do some work of that nature while I’m doing some of my studies, and it would be a great help in feeling useful. Thanks for the insights! it’s good to get a different perspective every now and then, I tend to bury my head in the proverbial sand when it comes to getting schoolwork done - one-track mind!