30, Flirty, and Thriving!
July 21, 2006 by thinking girl
well, folks, I’m taking the day off from FF, because it’s time to celebrate me. It’s my 30th birthday today.
Everyone keeps telling me how I’m going to love my 30s. I think it’s all what you make it. My 20s were about learning that, learning what was important to me and learning to take responsibility for my life - my mistakes and my accomplishments, yes, but mostly my FUTURE. There are a lot of forces at work in the world and society around me that I have no power over, but there is one force in the world that I DO have power over - myself. I have learned that nobody else is going to direct my future and my life for me, and why would I want them to?
I have learned that it’s never too late to start over. Sucking it up and going back to school has been such a humbling experience. It has taught my a lot of humility. What did I know? What do I know now? Very little, in the grand scheme of things. I have changed and grown so much over the past 2 years since I have returned to academic life, and my ideas and consciousness is evolving all the time. I am looking forward to deepening my connection with myself more and more.
I have taken time away from other people this year. This year has been mostly about going solo, keeping my nose to the grindstone, working hard. This has been such a change for me, because my friends have always been so important to me. But I have learned this way that the best relationship I can have is with myself. I have been watering my own garden this year, and as a result my blooms are brighter than ever.
Despite the changing and growing, I have always a still small centre that is the essence of me, and that essence never changes. It’s good to know I can rely on that centre to drive me.
So here’s to my topsy-turvy 20s: you kicked me in the ass, and I kicked back. I fell in wild, passionate love, and back out again. I made great friends, and even kept some. I had some wonderful experiences professionally, and abandoned a successful career to pursue my heart’s path. I learned how to say “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” I lost a few times, but I gained myself.
So far, 30 is looking pretty good.
Happy b.day!
30 was a great year for me: got my first real job, had an exhibition, met my fiancee. And my friends threw me a very sweet birthday bash.
“the best relationship I can have is with myself” There are times you don’t have any choice but to learn that. (Talking of relationships, if it’s not too personal, what happened to the friend you talked about in “unconditional/conditional“?)
Happy b-day! Yours is just the day before mine as it turns out
Hapy birthday!
Happy 30!!! & such a wise woman. I’m glad we are blog buddies
*
Hey! that astrik * WAS a smiley face with a birthday hat.
happy birthday!
thanks for all the birthday wishes guys!
Karenology, happy birthday to you! Growing up I had a friend whose birthday was the day after mine. I always felt a special bond with her. We even had a joint birthday party one year - that was fun.
Marc Andre, thanks for asking about my friend. I got a lovely birthday note from her yesterday, and when I opened the email and read it I just burst into tears. That was the first I had heard from her since Christmas. I miss her very much, but we are no better off than we were. I did send her a note back to say thanks and that I miss her. I still think of her as my best friend and I still love her very much. I’m not sure if we will ever be friends again. It makes me very sad.
I totally understand what you’re going through with your friend; it is heart-wrenching to have to do that. But sometimes we must. All I can say is I wish things will get better.
About the title of your post, now that you’re flirty, maybe you’ll find “a man who will sweep you off your feet and change your views” ;-p
ha ha, very funny! Actually, the post title comes from one of my all time favourite movies, 13 Going on 30.
Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy each day and year.
Work through things as they come up.
Continue to grow and change as you see the need to.
You’ll do fine!
Congrats!
I am going to be 30 in 3yrs. And many say that 30’s are the best years of one’s life. Because
1.You have a little experience
2.You have done enough mistakes and you try to avoid
3.You are settled down (atleast most of them)
4.You have a good job and a good salary
5.You get to travel a lot
6.You enjoy in moderation and enjoy to the most…
these above points are not applicable to everyone ofcourse.
But I am not really looking at my age. for anybody’s age for that matter…the more old = the more wise. That is the old saying.
So Happy b’iday, girl !
when i read your post…i can see that you know what you want in life and you know exactly where you are going and you accept your mistakes and you are so positive.
Great !!!
Keep going Soldier !!!
Hi TG.
Sorry for being late to the party, but a huge happy birthday to you. I wish you lots of happiness and success in your thirties. What a great age!
So, did you get lots of good loot?
A new reader de-lurking to say Happy Birthday!
thanks Geo, Prash, Mister P, and Sage. (and a big fat welcome to Sage!)
Prash, 27 was my most favourite year to date. God I had fun!
Mister P, there was some good loot. But more importantly, there was champagne and good company!
30’s were a good decade for me…
i think…
can’t really remember them….
What did you really do at 27 ? what was his name ? hehehehehe
Well, I’m 35 and I haven’t experienced any existential dread regarding getting older. Physically, I’m pretty much the same as I was when I was 25. But intellectually and emotionally, things have definitely changed. If you’re really bored, you can read my autobiographical sketch at my old blog here.
There has been a big change in my world-view during my life, which has sent significant ripples throughout every other area of my life. I’ve gone from a dualist, supernatural world-view to a monist, naturalistic one. At first I could intellectually accept the fact that the natural world is all there is; that there are no gods, that humans have no souls, that the ’self’ and free will are both illusions - though very convincing ones.
But finally I’ve come to emotionally accept the consequences of my naturalism. Though lest you think everything is all roses now, I have to say that I feel exactly like Neo in the first Matrix film: I’ve taken the red pill, I see reality as it really is, and I know I can’t go back. I see its grandeur and its horror. I too realize and accept that no one is going to direct my future or my life but me. I accept that the burden of responsibility for my life and my choices rest solely on my shoulders.
I basically have an atheist Existentialist philosophy of life, though with one caveat: I don’t believe humans have free will, in the traditional sense. However, I would characterize myself as a ‘compatibilist’. We have all the varieties of free will worth wanting, to paraphrase Daniel Dennett.
So while I believe, with Sartre, that God is dead and therefore anything is possible, and that once thrown into the world we are ‘condemned to freedom’, I don’t believe that we humans have contra-causal free will; I don’t believe our actions (which flow from our brains) are exempt from causality and determinism.
It’s true that we deliberate and make choices, and we feel like we have near complete control over our lives, but I believe this is an illusion. I apologize for quoting dead white males, but Spinoza said long ago that “Men think themselves free because they are conscious of their volitions and desires, but are ignorant of the causes by which they are led to wish and desire.”
So this naturalistic/atheistic/Existentialist view of mine tends to temper the responsibility a little bit, or at least tempers the feelings of guilt and self-anger when I make wrong decisions, or fail at things in my life.
Anyway, even though my new world-view carries more weight and burden than my previous one of a heavenly father watching over me and a promise of a new, better life after I die - I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Best,
Juno
thanks for the comment, Juno - very interesting! I feel much the same - wouldn’t change what I have now for the world. I’m very happy with who I am and what I am doing and have already accomplished. I’m grateful for every misstep, every mistake, and every single lesson I’ve learned the hard way.
I’m a compatibilist too - with a little twist I guess. I do believe that humans have free will, but I believe that there are deterministic forces at play that sometimes limit our ability to choose freely.