I had a busy, but unproductive, weekend. A few days ago, my friend's father passed away. I attended a lovely service in his memory yesterday morning, and spent much of the afternoon and evening with her and her family. Her mom said to me, It's so nice to have everyone here with us, but soon it will all be over, and then it will be silent. The way she said it, I knew just what she meant. All the well-wishers will move on with their lives, while the family are the ones who will miss him everyday, whose lives will not be quite the same ever again. My friend said, "What am I going to do without my dad?" My heart broke for her. He was a special man.I went to brunch with an old friend today, I haven't seen her in more than a year despite living in the same city. We caught up and reconnected, and it was really nice. I'm glad we got together.
The weather was so nice today, I went for a walk for a little more than an hour. I used to walk all the time last spring and summer and fall, but not so much in the cold weather. I missed the fresh air, and the feeling of blood rushing to keep up with my muscles.
I watched a couple movies this weekend on DVD.
- Pride and Prejudice: I've seen this story told a thousand different ways, but I never really tire of it. This was the most recent adaptation, with Keira Knightly and Matthew McFadyen. I loved it! It was beautifully shot, and there was just so much passion there – it was really believable how much they loved each other. What a great story. And I did think that Keira did a great job. She's a good little actress for being so young.
- Jarhead: I wanted to see this movie when it came out, but I didn't. I love little Jake Gyllenhaal. My best friend thinks I'm crazy, but I don't care. I love him anyway. This movie was alright, I thought it was nicely filmed – the look of Desert Storm is officially all bleached out – and it looked cool. It was interesting to see what happened from an inside perspective – the book was a memoir written by the movie's main character.
- Red Eye: I love Rachel McAdams. She is just the cutest, prettiest young actress around I think. I really wish they had replaced Jennifer Garner with Rachel McAdams to be the new Alias. She kinda looks like her a bit, and I think she could do some ass-kicking with proper training. And, she changes her hairstyle so often it's kinda like Sydney's wigs. Anyway, the movie was suspenseful and whatnot. The bad guy was mean and creepy looking.
so, that was my weekend. It wasn't very productive work-wise, but that's alright. I was glad to be out of the house, and I was glad to be able to be there for my friend. That's what's the most important thing. Tomorrow I will have to buckle down and get some real work done.How was your weekend?
Yes, the silence. There is an incredible anti-climax shortly after the funerals. The days leading up to it are spent in preparing it (and reeling from the blow). You have something to do, to occupy your mind. And afterwards, you sit down and think: “What now?” And silence falls on you like a ton of bricks. One of my closest friend’s dad died a year ago, and for weeks (if not months) after that we would call each other up everyday just to say “I’m here.” “I’m okay” (or not). Often didn’t really have anything to say. Just wanted to connect. To fight the silence.
On a lighter note, I’ve come to like unproductive weekends (then again, I’m not at school…). Actually, I wouldn’t even call them unproductive. Seeing someone you haven’t seen in months or years (I actually did that too), reconnecting, is always good for the soul. And it probably makes us more productive in the long run. And so is spending time outside (like a friend of mine said, a half-hour walk 4 times a week is a good way to fight off the blues).
it’s true, weekends that actually ARE a break from the work you do all week are kind of nice. Too bad it has ramifications that mean I have to double up and read faster/write faster this week. I don’t know how everything is going to get done before end of term!
It’s good to keep on connecting after you lose someone. It helps you cope, it helps you know that you’re not alone in feeling the way you do, it helps to know that you haven’t been forgotten, that your loved one hasn’t been forgotten. I think a lot of people don’t know how to deal with death, how to help their friends, what to say, how to be. I think the best thing a friend can do is allow you space to talk about that loved one. People just want to remember and to talk about them, like they mattered, because they did. The silence that goes with death is so tragic because it seems to say, Ok, get on with your life now and stop making everyone uncomfortable by reminding them that we all will die one day.