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Archive for the ‘Personal Musings’ Category

alright folks, I’ve got an announcement.

I’m not feelin’ it anymore. you know, it’s been a great two years (and a bit), being here with you all, discoursin’ and whatnot. It’s been a pleasure, really. I’ve learned so much – SO MUCH. Maybe even more than what I learned during my whole undergrad degree. Certainly what I have learned through engaging with you all has been personally extremely useful and satisfying.

But, I am not feelin’ it right now. I’m super-busy, and there’s the ramifications of moving and starting a new degree, leaving all my real life friends and family behind, while having to extend myself past my little world in my head in order to meet new people and build a new community here. I want to be successful at what I’m doing here, and I also need to take care of myself. And, unfortunately, I feel that right now, part of taking care of myself is not doing this anymore.

Maybe for now, maybe for a while, maybe forever. I may not be able to resist poking my head in and letting a post loose every now and then, but that will all take place on the schedule of TCB -Taking Care of Baby (which of course, is me). If it feels right and helpful for me to do so, instead of a chore, then I’ll do it. so keep your feed readers active.

So for now, imagine me doing yoga, sitting and drinking tea with a friend, swimming, cooking wonderful things to eat for myself and my peeps, reading non-school related books, and getting lots of rest and/or work done, INSTEAD of being here. I’ll continue to deal with comment moderation, but I may not respond in the same manner as I used to do, as per the new TCB schedule. So that being said, I’m going to leave it up to you, faithful readers, to help me out in answering comments that may arise. And of course, please, all of you fellow bloggers, continue to lambaste, rankle, subvert, protest, rise up against, resist, and whatever other adjectives come to mind,  the hegemonic forces going on all around us. Don’t worry, I’ll still be doing all that too. You just might hear about it in different ways.

Regulars, friends, please do email me. I’d love to hear from you on a personal basis. You’re no less dear to me because I’m backing out of blogging.

Peace, my sisters and my brothers. TG out.

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just got in the door from an evening out with some new friends from school. on the way from the streetcar stop to my corner, all of a two minute walk, I experienced some street harassment. guy crossed the street and followed me in the opposite direction to where he was going to do it. fell in step behind me, started calling out to me, “hey, slow down, I’m not going to do anything to you, I just wanna talk to you, you’re so beautiful, hey baby” bullshit. I try to ignore him, but he was persistent. Lucky for me, on my corner is an all-night pizza place. so I walk in there. no way am I going to allow this idiot to see where I live. mama didn’t raise no fool. once I’m in there, of course he follows me in. I decide, no. no more street harassment for this girl.

so I turn on the guy. I tore him a new one for harassing me in the street like some piece of meat, threatening me and following me. he tells me he jsut wanted to compliment me, can’t I take a compliment, why am I so uptight? I tell him no I can’t take a compliment from a strange man calling out to me in the street at 1:30 in the morning when I’m walking by myself, I don’t give a shit what he thinks,  why does he think he has to right to harass me in the street, I’m not public property, and fuck off.  a nice couple from my streetcar asked me did I need help, offered to walk me home, which they did, making sure he was gone by then, and that was the end of that. she was much more understanding of my predicament than he was, no surprise there, he was like, you only live two doors down? and she was like, well, she didn’t want him following her to her door, did she? (with ‘you twit’ just dripping from her voice.)

this reminds me of an argument my friend and I had recently with a friend of her boyfriend. we told him that many women view men as potential rapists in certain contexts, that women were raised with the fear of rape burnt into our brains from an early age as simply the worst thing that could ever happen to you as a woman (not that it is or isn’t, just that this is what women are taught). He was completely offended and pissed off by this statement, and of course took it personally to mean that we both thought he was, as a person, capable of raping someone. He got so mad that he packed up his toys and went home, actually. there was no seeing reason for him that night, that the stats simply add up for women to view men this way, particularly in situations of vulnerability. and of course, no way for him to drop his male privilege for even a second to try to understand where we were coming from.

well, there you go. combine the culture of the fear of rape with general street sexual harassment by men, and this is what you get. was I actually afraid of this guy? well, I was nervous enough to walk into that pizza place rather than walk the twenty more feet to my door.

and I hate that. I hate that I couldn’t walk the literally three and a half minutes to my door from the streetcar stop without being harassed. I hate that I felt afraid of a guy who I probably had 20 pounds and 5 inches on. I hate that I had a couple walk me to my door. I hate that if I had been dressed differently, it probably wouldn’t have happened. I hate that I actually felt bad about using the pizza place as a refuge and bringing that confrontation into their place of business. I hate being viewed as public property by some random asshat in the street. and I hate that this happens every day to billions of women all over the world, to varying degrees of severity. I HATE IT.

when that couple offered to help me, I had my cell phone in my hand to call the police. what would they have told me? would they have done anything to make me feel safer, or would they have laughed at me? if that couple hadn’t been there, would someone else have offered to help me? would I have had to wait until that guy left? would I have had to ask someone to intervene, throw the guy out?

so, what can we do about street harassment? I don’t want to have to make sure that I never go anywhere by myself. I want to have the freedom to walk down the street, by myself, dressed however I want, at any time of day or night, without being harassed. and I want every other woman to be able to have that too. it’s simple really.

how can we make this happen? I think street harassment is just as important a topic to deal with as sexual harassment in the workplace. it’s like blue-collar vs. white-collar crime, you know? so what can be done about it?

[by the way, I remember a discussion about street harassment somewhere not too long ago (someone remind me where and I’ll provide a link) that intimated that more men of colour were street harassers than were white men. This guy was white. the real question is, would I have rounded on him in the same way if he wasn’t? would I have felt more less threatened by a harasser of another shade?]

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landed!

Hi all –

just a quick little note to say hello and that I’ve arrived in my new city safe and sound! the trip was a bit harried when my dad decided to make a drastically wrong turn in Montreal and we got lost for a while, but I did get to see the beautiful Quebec City along my way  , which I highly recommend as a vacation destination – it’s the most beautiful city I’ve ever seen.

no, Rainbow Girl, I’m not in Calgary. That’s way more than halfway! I’m in Toronto now, which might be a little under halfway, but close enough.

thanks to all-stars donna darko and Scarred for continuing the conversation while I’ve been busy getting oriented.

And thanks to Red Jenny for meeting me for coffee! yay!

ok, so I don’t have internet at home yet, hopefully by the end of the week, and I’m really busy with school and getting settled in, so I can’t promise many posts in the upcoming weeks, but I’ll do my best!

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alright people: tomorrow is moving day. I will be driving halfway across the country and lugging boxes of my belongings over the next several days, and my access to internet will be limited and questionable for a while. So, in the meantime, please try to play nice. and try not to freak out if you make a comment that gets moderated, or send me an email that doesn’t get answered. I won’t be able to respond as quickly as I have been. Just be patient.

And, wish me luck! I’m starting school on Tuesday!

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you fucking suck.

the end.

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apparently, I don’t deal well with change. If anyone has any advice on how to calm my frayed nerves, deal with a million things to do and virtually no time to do them, and how to prevent a 2 tonne elephant from sitting on my chest each morning when I wake up, speak now! nothing I’m doing is helping, including getting 8 inches of my hair chopped off.  the remedy for stress of change is not more change. note to self.

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I’ve been meaning to, wanting to, write something for ages. It just isn’t coming too easily these days, people. sorry.

maybe it’s too much going on in my life right now. maybe it’s feeling really split about leaving and yet starting something new. maybe it’s mental exhaustion from reading and thinking and writing so much this summer for school. maybe I just don’t have anything to say right now. I haven’t been reading any blogs lately, only my best friend’s. I haven’t been reading the newspaper, or my usual news feeds. I haven’t been listening to the radio, CBC, where I get my info. I haven’t even really been watching any TV, except SYTYCD and Canadian Idol and DVDs of Six Feet Under. And a really weird movie tonight called The Wicker Man. WEIRD.

I’m too lazy to even give you links on those. sad.

so, I don’t know what to tell you. I feel very boring lately. And nothing is really getting the fire in my belly going, either. And I have no motivation to even inform myself of something that could.

so I think I might string together some quotes I compiled for my thesis, to entertain you all a bit. I’ll do that tomorrow maybe. Maybe then you’ll understand why I have nothing to say lately! that thing sucked me dry.

I kind of feel tired all the time. I’m working out regularly and sleeping a lot, but still, tired and sleepy. I think some sushi might be in order.

does anyone else have anything interesting to talk about? wanna point me in the direction of some good posts you’ve read lately? news pieces? here we’ve got bratty fucking asshole kids hanging cats from trees and beating them to death with golf clubs.

tell me something good?

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  • my trip to my new city went great last week. found a good place to live, close to everything I need it to be close to, decent price. Got to hang out with a dear friend, and even did a teensy bit of end-of-season shopping. Walked until my hips ached – god I forgot about how city-walking makes my body hurt!
  • finished up my job today, thank goodness. may I never have to touch another pair of feet again.
  • Got lots to do – finish my distance course and thesis (almost done that one), and so will have some time to do that now.
  • my to-do list is growing all the time… so many things to remember to accomplish before moving!
  • just finished reading The Red Tent, by Anita Diamont. I can’t rave enough about this book. If you haven’t read it, please do yourself a favour and get it immediately. It’s a fictional imagining of the life of Dinah, sole daughter of the biblical Jacob (son of Isaac, son of Abraham), told from Dinah’s perspective. The author has given voice to the women of Jacob’s clan in a very unique way. The ‘red tent’ refers to the menstrual tent, and it’s presented as a celebration of womanhood, rather than a forced segregation. very nice.
  • I’m on season 4 of Six Feet Under, for the second or third time now? god I loved those characters… but have been noticing some really sexist stuff going on, especially in the early seasons. can’t think of specific examples just now, but if I do I’ll bring it up.
  • my kitty is lovey-dovey since I came back from my trip. good baby girl!
  • I hate packing. I’m trying to do bits of it in the evenings so it’s not so overwhelming all at once. but I do hate it. Unpacking, however, is fun – I enjoy that!
  • still thinking about a new laptop. Does anyone out there have experience with tablet PC? I’m looking at an HP tablet, thought it would be good for scribbling notes in class, as I do enjoy taking notes with a pen. Thoughts anyone?
  • I haven’t been reading any of my usual blogs lately. I have no idea what’s going on. I’m sorry. I am overwhelmed by my feed reader right now, it makes me ill to think about scrolling through all those missed posts, but yet I feel nervous to miss a nugget of wisdom! I think I may just mark all as read and try to keep up from now on. 😦
  • who’s your favourite on So You Think You Can Dance? Mine is Danny. But then, there’s Neil. And my god, Sabra! Oh dear, the decisions….
  • I just saw The Bourne Ultimatum. Talk about smash hit! Holy shit! That boy can kick some ass! and drive some car! damn I love me some spy movies!

‘k, that’s all I got right now. anyone else have anything to discuss?

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today is my 31st birthday!

I love birthdays. My birthday is my favourite day of the year. It’s like your own personal, special holiday!

This past year has been something of a whirlwind – I can hardly believe how fast it has flown by. This will be a year of big and positive changes for me, including a move to a new city and the start of a new degree, and in all likelihood the start of some new friendships. I’m looking forward to all of these changes with excitement! I have a feeling this year will be very auspicious!

So, if you happen to be out on the town this evening, or just sitting home, have a swig of something for me! (I’ll be having champagne!)

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