saturation point

so, finals are next week. I have three exams – one in Rationalists, one in Justice in Global Perspective, and one in Philosophy of Mind – all scheduled for Monday. (I'm trying to get Rationalists moved – three is too much, and not allowed according to Dalhousie's regulations.) Then, I have a paper due on that day as well. The following Monday, I have three papers due – none of which I have started. I have an outline for one, but that's it, and it's poor. I have a lot of work to do, and guess what? I don't wanna.I have officially reached my saturation point for the term. I was a really good student this term – I did 90% of my readings – ok, maybe 85%. I studied hard for my tests. I feel like I learned a lot – or at least, I learned most of what I wanted to learn. But yet, in some of my classes, I feel like there is still so much more for me to learn about. (which I like.) And in SOME classes – I believe I mentioned before how much I hate my philosophy of language class? – I wish I didn't know as much as I do (which isn't much).

I'm looking forward to the break. I have a whole stack of books to read, and I can't wait. I also have to choose my classes for next term and finalize my class schedule, which will be great. I am excited for a change of scenery, change of (some) profs, and change of subject (in some cases).

what I really can't wait for is SLEEP…

wish me luck!

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measure your life in love

On a happier note, I went to see RENT tonight. It was so wonderful. The acting and the music was fantastic – it makes me wish I had seen it in its early days off-Broadway. Much of the original cast from the play were in the movie, with a couple of dynamite additions. The story has a great message as well. The main two songs, Seasons of Love and No Day But Today were the real stars. And who knew that Rosario Dawson could sing so beautifully? And that Jesse L. Martin had such a gorgeous smile?I loved it. Everyone should go and see it right away!

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stupid babies cause another death

well, it is official. What had started as a nasty rumour has become reality. my favourite TV show, ALIAS, is coming to a close.Apparently, viewership is declining since ALIAS was moved this season to Thursday nights opposite CBS giant Survivor.

Here's what I don't understand: "Alias is not going to wind down as it comes to an end, it's going to rev up, and we're going to make it the event it deserves to be," Stephen McPherson, president of ABC Entertainment, said in a statement. If this is true, then why haven't they pulled out all the stops now, BEFORE the show went in the toilet and disappointed millions of faithful fans? Why didn't they wait until Jennifer Garner had her stupid baby with dumbass Jen-addict Ben Affleck? She's due soon – they could have worked from April to June or July when she wouldn't have been able to do much ass-kicking, then waited until January to put the show on – like they did last year – and then had Jennifer back in ass-kicking shape to finish out the season's shows by February and start shooting the final episodes! I think the folks over at ABC are IDIOTS for dropping the ball on scheduling the show properly. It just isn't as interesting this season without my love, Agent Michael Vaughn (the delicious Michael Vartan) and without Sydney's ass-kicking and awesome costume changes! The show was largely built on her physical appeal: guys wanted to be with her, girls wanted to be her. Despite what Dave may say (holla!), pregnant women are NOT sexy – at least not enough to keep viewers hanging around, in this case!

I must admit, when I found out this terrible news last night, I was so upset that I said, "I hope this baby ruins her career! It's ruined my life!" While now, in the light of day, things don't quite look so terribly melancholy, I am still highly upset over my favourite show being cancelled. I was loyal. I have been sticking it out, through the death of AMV, just in case things turn around. Now, I'm very sad that my show is going to TV heaven. There will never be another ALIAS.

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always on my mind

time to unload my brain. I'm obsessed with Seinfeld. This is nothing new.
I'm worried about all my papers and exams that are coming up.
I wish I lived in NYC.
I can't decide whether or not to get the flu shot.
I'm going to see Feist in January, and I'm really excited about it!!!
I'm also obsessed with KT Tunstall, this new singer. I love her, she is super-duper.
I think I might be off sushi. This is very sad.
I kind of want something with Hello Kitty on it.
I like my new job, mostly. I think one of the guys there has a crush on me. I'm so not interested.
I want to go to Paris.
I wish I could type faster without mistakes.
This stream of consciousness thing is kind of fun. I like just writing down my random thoughts and seeing where it will go.
I want to write a book one day. I don't know what it will be about. Maybe about my life – some pretty ridiculous things have happened to me, and I have learned some good shit.
I have been swearing a lot lately. JC, mostly. I enjoy it, although every now and then I feel kind of bad about it, and I stop. Not bad about saying Jesus Christ, but bad about the general amount of swearing I've been doing.
I try my best not to swear around children, but then I step outside my door and all the kids swear more than me. Where has innocence gone?
I got a new cell phone. It's pretty cool.
I like taking pictures a lot more than I thought I would. I've never really been into photography for myself, although I've always enjoyed it as an art form. I prefer to remember things in my own way. But it is bringing me some joy, so it's good.
I don't think I can eat pasta at all anymore. It makes me feel gross.
I kind of want a machine that makes lattes. I only want it for chai lattes, because I don't drink coffee. But I hate heating up my soy milk in the microwave – god only knows what happens to it. And the stove takes too long and I burn it sometimes. a machine for soy chai lattes would be just great.
There are all kinds of good movies out right now. I want to just take a whole week and go every night and see them all to get it out of my system.
End of term is approaching, and I am so happy. I have a lot of work to do between now and then, but I've kind of reached my saturation point, and I don't really want to do any more work.
I also have to figure out my classes for next term. I'm definitely going to be choosier.ok, that's it for now. my brain is much more free from clutter now, and I can concentrate!

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baby baby baby

So I'm going to a baby shower later today for a friend whose baby is due next month. I hate these things. I am not particularly maternal, and I don't really want to have children myself. The thought of being pregnant disgusts me. When I see pregnant, unclothed bellies it makes me a bit sick in my stomach. I tend to think of pregnancy as a period of gestating a parasite. Yuck.I went shopping for a baby gift last night, and it was really hard to find non-gendered baby stuff. Here in Halifax, our hospital will not divulge the sex of the fetus to pregnant women, so it makes it a bit harder to shop. It shouldn't but it does: the majority of baby stuff out there is either blue or pink. Me, I wouldn't really care, I'd use blue for a girl or pink for a boy without hesitation, but most people aren't like me.

Anyway, going to these showers always makes me a bit nervous. There are always so many women there who either have children or want to have children, and I just don't fit in. There are disgusting stories about horrific birthing experiences, infected cracked nipples, violent kicking, extreme morning sickness, varicose veins and hideous stretch marks, baby vomit and poo, and talk of lack of sleep, shortage of babysitters, lowered sex drive, increased expenses, and cries of "but it's all so worth it, I wouldn't change a thing!" from the moms who are secretly waiting for someone else to be as miserable as she is. I just don't really know what to say at these functions, except, "Oh, well, that sounds just great," and "Congratulations and good luck!" I mostly just try my best to keep quiet and bite my tongue about how I never want my own baby shower, because I never want to gestate a parasite.

One of the hardest things about it is the condescension from the moms. They all want to know if you have children, and when you say you don't, then they incline their heads at you and say things like, "Don't worry, your time will come," and "Just wait, you're going to love it." If you choose to correct their assumption that because you have a uterus it must mean you will one day play host to a fetus, then the answers change slightly in tone of voice. Then they tend to say things like "Well, you simply MUST have children, it's so enriching," and "Well, I believe it's our purpose on this earth to provide loving homes to the next generation." If you then further expound your position into reasons of how you don't really care for children all that much, you receive looks that say WHAT THE HELL KIND OF WOMAN ARE YOU? and the mother of all responses: "You'll feel differently about your own children."

To which I say, "Well, I'd hate to have them and then find out that I really didn't feel differently about them at all."

Wish me luck!

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two weeks

yup, so I was looking at a calendar today at work, and two weeks from today is December 1st. 2005. That means a) it's almost Christmas and I have to think of presents for everyone on a budget, b) it's almost New Year's and I have to think of something fun to do, c) it's almost 2006, d) I have to come up with tuition money again, and e) I have to write 4 papers in the next three weeks. YIKES! Better get started…

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productive insomniac

For the past couple of weeks, I have been an insomniac. Could be because my time is too short, and I have too many things due for school and less time in which to do it all because I started my new job. Could be because I'm stressed out about all of that, plus regular stuff like money and being sad over losing one of my best friends. Could be because I haven't been exercising enough and I have been eating too much junk and my body has extra energy to burn.

 

So, here's the plan. As long as the insomnia is here, I'm going to make use of the time – I'll be a productive insomniac. I'll catch up on readings for school (some of which should help put me to sleep!), or on paper-writing and editing. I'll clean, or do laundry, or yoga. Or I'll post something on my blog. 😛

 

And in addition, I'm going back onto my low-carb diet on Monday, so that should help – no sugar, no hyper. And I'm going to get back on track with regular exercise, rather than the sporadic workouts I have been doing. And, I'm going to take my St. John's Wort. It always helps. As long as I remember to take it. I'll have to make a post-it note to myself to remind me. I don't know where I'd be without post-it notes.

 

I've always complained there aren't enough hours in the day – I guess this is one way to get more: just don't sleep!

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remembrance day

Flanders Fields

Today is Remembrance Day in Canada, the day we give respect to those who fought and died in WWI. I never much liked Remembrance Day as a child. I don't know why. I hated going to the assemblies in the gym, hated listening to the stories of the war told by the Veterans. I guess I didn't really understand, my young mind couldn't imagine a world that was affected by war, the threat of bombings tearing apart my cocoon of whimsy. I lived in my head as a child, always imagining, always someplace else. I never imagined a war-torn world. I saw veterans as old, relics from a time I would never know.In 1991, the U.S. launched an attack on Iraq that is still going on. I remember watching the bombings on TV, from the perspective of the bomber pilots. It was surreal, but very real all at once. I began to understand.

Now, Remembrance Day means something different to me. We do live in a world where war is real. People my age and younger are fighting wars, killing and being killed for causes they may or may not fully understand. It hurts that people want to hurt each other, kill each other. War has affected my consciousness.

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a note about comments

Hello,

 

thanks to everyone who reads these rantings of mine, and especially to those who submit comments. I am enjoying having a blog. I like being able to write about whatever I want to write about, whether it is personal, political, philosophical, or just passing time. Since I am a philosopher, I wholly enjoy debate, so I encourage readers to comment on anything you might find contentious, inflammatory, challenging, oppositional to your own views, etc. I am striving to be the best academic philosopher I can be, so please do point out what you might see as logical errors, or if I have presented an argument that completely neglects an alternative view.

 

That said, if you leave a comment, please be prepared for me to respond back, and even engage in some debate with me if you are comfortable. Don't just leave a comment and run – that doesn't help me to develop at all! I believe that dissenting voices are very important to the development of my ideas and my styles of presentation and argument. So, if you want to comment, please feel free, but I ask that you be ready to engage!

thanks,
Jennifer

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