Archive for the ‘Kismet and Karma’ Category

Kevin of Slant Truth is looking for his brother, Michael Patrick Vaughn. He has been missing for some time and things are looking pretty desperate. Here’s what he posted on Sunday:

My brother has been missing for some time now. Seriously. My moms has even hired private investigators to find him and he is nowhere to be found. I fear the worst now. Yes, I fear that he is dead.

He rolled with the rough ones. I tried to get him out, but…

The only reason that I can say this online now is because I’m hoping that someone, somewhere might know where he is right now. His name: MIchael Patrick Vaughn. I think that he’s somewhere on the West Coast—maybe around Cali. I can give more information about hiim if needed (including pictures). Please email me here if you know of anything about him or have the slightest clue.

If any of you have any inklings about the whereabouts of Michael Patrick Vaughn, get in touch with Kevin. If you want, you can certainly email me and I will pass along any information to Kevin.

Kevin, be strong – our thoughts are with you and your family.

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So, a while back, Aspazia of Mad Melancholic Feminista bestowed upon me a Thinking Blog Award, with great honour.

And a little while ago, Max of Celluloid Blonde also included me in her list of recipients, for which I was very flattered, but I didn’t respond yet, mostly because school was getting busy, I was in the middle of that anti-racism thread, and also the PUA thread started picking up again (pun kind of intended).

Then today, Dave of Wandering the Ether added me to his list as well, so I thought it was time I respond. So, as far as I can tell, that leaves me with 10 slots to fill on my list of Thinking Blog Awards – which is great, since I read so many wonderful blogs by so many talented and clever folks, I am delighted to expand the original list of 5! (who were, BTW, Freeslave, Brownfemipower, Sage, Queer Dewd, and Renegade Evolution. Love to you all!)

So, before I begin, thank you to Max and Dave for your support of my work here, and here are my ALL NEW 10 Thinking Bloggers!

1. Sylvia of Anti-Essentialist Conundrum -she’s one smart young black woman with a helluvan analysis of north american culture. I love reading her blog.

2. Defenestrated of Muttering in a Corner – Def started out as a commenter, who decided to get her own blog. she’s still an active commenter, but she writes some wicked posts too! she’s very insightful indeed.

3. BlackAmazon of Having Read the Fine Print… – again, super-smart young black woman. Holy shit, this girl can flip it. Her posts read like stream of consciousness, calling out your ass on your bullshit, awesome you will listen to me rants, and I love every minute of it. She’s fearless, and she pretty much blows my mind. Did I mention she’s 22?

4. Rainbow Girl – I only recently discovered RG, but I feel like I’ve known her for years! She’s very dedicated and has actually succeeded in taking academia into activism in the real world, which rocks. Go Team Rainbow!!

5. Liberallatte of Between the Linds and Realities – I’m kind of like LL’s fairy blog-mother (a term SteveG thought up for Aspazia). I “met” LL when he began commenting here, and when he started his own blog up, I was thrilled to add him to my blogroll. He offers up a very insightful analysis of media representations, and I think he’s just great!

6. Darkdaughta of One Tenacious Baby Mama – I only discovered darkdaughta recently, but I have been avidly reading since. I can’t even describe what she does adequately enough to do it justice. Just go and read, and look, and you might understand. She’s awesome.

7. Kevin of Slant Truth – I’ve been reading Kevin for a while now. I gotta tell you, I really dig his style. He spins it like he sees it, and I definitely admire that.

8. Nezua of The Unapologetic Mexican – again, newly discovered, but I’m lovin’ it over there! Nez is one smart, smart man, and his site is lovely to behold. Check it out, you won’t be sorry. Make particular note of his White Lens series – that’s some excellent blogging happening.

9. Julie of The Pinko Julie Show – wow, can Julie ever write. She is a very powerful voice for the alternatively abled in our slightly leaving something to be desired although still a million times better than the freaking US health care system. I love her writing style, she’s brilliant, go check her out.

10. Last but most definitely not least, my partner in so many comment sections of so many posts here at Thinking Girl, Ruxandra of Strength Never Power – she’s smart, articulate, eloquent, vegan, activist, sciency, feminist, punk music afficionado, lover of Jane Austen, and lucky for me, now a friend. Thanks for everything Ruxi!

Geez, I think I could go on… so many intelligent bloggers out there who make me think. Thank god!

If you’ve been tagged here, and you want to participate, please follow these instructions:

The idea is to name 5 blogs that make you think. Here are the rules for participation:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn’t fit your blog).

That’s it! Now everyone – get to reading!

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I’m sick. It’s my throat, mostly, feels like it’s closing in it’s so swollen and inflamed. My voice kind of sounds like Kathleen Turner right now – husky, breathy, about an octave deeper than normal. This is the second nasty cold I’ve had since the new year.

Yesterday, I left my job. I was laid off, because my schedule with school wasn’t jiving with the kind of schedule my employers wanted me to keep. Never mind that I was promised it wouldn’t be an issue when I was hired, or that in 5 weeks, I’m finished classes and can work whenever they want. I’m disappointed to lose the job, because it paid quite well, and I hate broken promises. But otherwise, I’m happy not to be working there anymore – it was too weird for me. (For those of you who don’t know, I worked at a plastic surgery clinic as a skin care specialist.)

I’m grateful I was able to work there for the time I did – it helped me pay off some bills, and pay for my undergrad without going into major debt. I learned a heck of a lot about plastic surgery, which was a major conflict for me politically in some ways. I met some really nice people, and I got a whole ton of free skin care while I was there.

What’s interesting to me is that I’ve recently become attached to the idea that we attract into our life exactly what we are putting out – whether we are consciously aware of it or not. If you’ve seen the movie The Secret, this is exactly what I’m talking about (it was recently on Oprah, twice in a week). We’re attracting everything into our lives, through our thoughts and energy. Even things we think are “bad” experiences, which is a bit tough to wrap your head around at first, but really becomes empowering when you realize that you also have the ability to change it.

Anyway, for me, my new unemployed state is perfect evidence of the Secret working in my life. For a long, long time now, I have not wanted to work in the beauty industry any more. It has been years that I’ve been feeling restless and unhappy with my job, and I kept on trying to just find a different job to make it better. And for many months, I have also been wishing that I didn’t have to work, that I could just be a full-time student. I’ve been dragging my ass to work, wishing I could be at home working on schoolwork, or at the library, or in a specific class that I couldn’t take because I had to worry about my work schedule.

So, because I’ve been feeling this way, I have attracted it into my life. Now, I can concentrate on schoolwork full time without having to worry about working all those hours. My wish has come true! And, I also now have the chance to get out of the industry that I have been unhappy in for so long. And what’s best of all, is that I’m not really all that upset about losing my job (anymore, at first I was, until I remembered the Secret). I know I’ve created this experience, so how can I be upset? I wanted this all along, and the universe answered me.

Interesting, huh?

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god I get a lot of spam. most of it has to do with porn – and really graphic, violent porn at that. just complainin’. also, my site gets cruised by a lot of pervies. I’m sure they’re not pleased with what they find here!

my email is getting filled by spam too, mostly from African countries where people are once again trying that bank scam – you know, where their relative has passed away and they can’t get the funds so they want you to give them your banking information so they can transfer it to you and then they’ll give you half. Now I get these in multiple languages. and for some reason, my spamulator doesn’t catch them like it does all the other spam I get.

and of course, the ones from that big famous online auction site, where people make fake sites to make them look like the real ones and scam your info when you go and enter it in. I get those everyday.

What did I do to get so much spam?

why don’t the spam people understand that spam makes people mad, and does not make them want to buy your product/send you their banking info? stupid spam people.

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the list

MaxJulian over at The FreeSlave asked me what I was looking for in my relationships. (He gave a very full wish list of his ideal mate, and it’s been churning up some talk.)

I hesitate to give a “laundry list” of characteristics or qualities that are too specific, simply because I am trying to keep my mind and heart open. That said, there are some things that are really important to me and I’m not willing to settle for less. Also, Max suggested that putting your desires out to the universe might actually work, so going ahead and asking for what you want is the only way to get it. It’s not too much to ask for! So, with some trepidation, here is the answer to Max’s question, with the disclaimer that this is by no means rigid. I’m not used to writing stuff that’s so personal on this blog! Here goes:

  • edit:passionate
  • funny (even just sarcastic will do)
  • smart
  • honest and truthful
  • has integrity
  • kind
  • equality-minded – not racist, classist, sexist, homophobic
  • taller than me (I’m 5’9 and I wear heels a lot)
  • creative, even artistic would be nice
  • stylish – please, no more deck shoes, perpetual sneakers, cowboy boots, or hikers!
  • dark hair – and I have a thing for curly-floppy hair…
  • handsome – at least to me
  • is into hygiene (!)
  • lean build – no beer guts – maybe a little bit of muscle…
  • relatively smooth, as in hair-free, at least the back!
  • Financially secure
  • no kids, unless they live in a far-away country, will never call me mommy, and I don’t have to see them or have them in my home for more than a day – or if they’re fully grown, that would be fine.
  • doesn’t expect me to have children or raise children
  • it would be so nice if he didn’t have any ex-wives… especially crazy ones!
  • adventurous spirit
  • likes to travel
  • generous
  • educated (not necessarily formally)
  • non-religious – by this I mean not a practicing member or adherent of an organized religion. I’m not totally married to this one, I think I could deal with a buddhist, and I’m fine with spirituality, but organized religion and me don’t mix so well… I just think it’s easier if we’re on the same ideological page.
  • health-conscious, non smoker
  • fun to be around
  • affectionate and attentive
  • supportive and helpful if I need it
  • independent – and respects my independence
  • politically aware
  • well-mannered
  • good conversationalist – someone I’m not going to get bored talking to
  • emotionally/psychologically stable
  • enjoys lots of great sex, knows a few tricks, and isn’t afraid of suggestions on how to please me
  • two words: size matters
  • R-E-S-P-E-C-T for me, for my life, my friends, my family
  • compatible with my peeps – if my best friend doesn’t like him, he won’t be around for long.
  • loves me for me, doesn’t want me to change – only grow
  • doesn’t expect me to be perfect all the time
  • dependable
  • enjoys a good discussion
  • doesn’t expect me to get married, I’m not decided on that patriarchal institution just yet, but isn’t necessarily against it either
  • faithful
  • mature
  • reads. books.
  • can be silly
  • can be serious
  • emotionally available
  • is willing to work to make it work. commitment isn’t always easy
  • reciprocity
  • gentleness of spirit, non-violent
  • isn’t addicted to masculinity
  • not arrogant – that is the biggest turnoff ever
  • is a feminist!

So, nice list huh? Think I’ll find it all?

the important thing about this, for me, is that I am willing to give as much as I get. I’m a pretty great girlfriend – I’m sweet and kind and thoughtful and loving and supportive and affectionate and very caring. But I’m not willing to put up with bullshit. And I’m not willing to put out everything that I do in a relationship without getting back what I want and need. Overall, I just really want someone to KNOW me, and be completely FOR me, who will support me, help me achieve my goals, accept me, and love me unconditionally.

So, in the interest of putting it out to the universe – or at least the blogosphere – this is it! If you know someone who fits the bill, email me immediately! 🙂

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Oh! I can’t believe I missed it – my one year anniversary in the blogosphere! I began my blog July 3, 2005. I feel I should share some thoughts.When I first heard of blogging, I thought it was really kind of weird and geeky (sorry all!), and I thought I could find better ways of spending my time. But, then I discovered my friend Matthew’s blog, littlewoodenman, and I thought it was a really interesting way to keep in touch with friends all around the world. Then, I discovered my friend Kathleen’s blog, and although it seems like she has given up on blogging lately (!!!), I saw how a blog could be a place to vent, to share feelings and thoughts, and that it was really a neat way to get a glimpse inside the mind of a friend – kind of like being invited to read someone’s diary. So, looking for a creative outlet, I decided I would try it out.

At first, only friends and acquaintences came by to visit and comment (often sarcastically, thanks Matthew and Kris!). But then as I discovered the blogosphere (my little name for blogging culture), I began leaving comments of my own on the blogs of strangers. I would blog-hop along until I found something interesting, and drop a line or two. Then all of a sudden, people were jumping over to my blog, and leaving comments (thanks l>t and Marc Andre!). And now look! I never would have guessed that I would ever have a weekly feature, much less blog-buddies who comment regularly, get into discussions of their own, and keep conversations going for more than 60 comments! This blogging thing has really taken on a life of its own!

So, happy anniversary to me! and many thanks to all of you who keep me engaged and interested, who provoke and rankle, who support and encourage, and who keep on reading even when things take a turn that you may not agree with. I greatly value debate, and many of you have really helped me/forced me to refine my arguments and open up to new ideas. Here’s to blogging!

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I've been feeling a bit under the weather the past few days, I have a touch of malaise, so I am tardy with my FF post this week. Sorry! I'll post it as soon as I feel up to being in front of the computer for more than 15 minutes at a time. I'm thinking maybe tonight or sometime tomorrow. Wish me well – I feel so exhausted and depleted I can use all the well-wishing I can get!


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Sunday morning is my favourite time of the week. I like to sleep until it feels natural to get up, and then I like to clean and make breakfast. This morning, I decided to make breakfast first. Good thing.My breakfast consisted of some 12 grain bread with cherry jam and a cup of peppermint tea. I read the paper – two articles of interest: the World Food Program is running out of food for 3.5 million Kenyans because they only received 1/10 of their required budget this year, and Bush visited India for the first time this week presumably to seal the US-India military coalition (which must give some pause to China) – and had a talk with my father about how best to house and help the homeless (we think it might be a good idea for those on welfare to have to do community service of some sort, but we hadn't worked out the details). Then I practiced piano for a little while and had a couple good ideas about that, and decided to get cracking on my work for the day after checking my email and whatnot.

What did I discover my precious baby-girl had been up to while I was ignoring her? Well, she had eaten four flowers off my houseplant and thrown them up on my yoga mat. Also, she had used her litter box, but had trouble with her bum, and had scooted her bum along the ground in order to get the rest of the poop out, which means I found poop smears all over my floor, my jute floor mat, and my yoga mat! And there she was, sitting pretty waiting for me to discover all of this.

So it's a good thing I waited to clean my floors until after breakfast.

my kitty is bad. so bad. just when I was starting to think her snoring was cute.

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malaise muh-LAYZ; -LEZ, noun:
  1.  A vague feeling of discomfort in the body, as at the onset
  of illness.
  2. A general feeling of depression or unease.

I opened my word-of-the-day email today, and the word was malaise. How appropriate. I felt like shit all day today. Here were my symptoms:

  • threat of vomiting. This hit when I was in the shower this morning getting ready for work.
  • upset stomach. see above.
  • loss of appetite. all I could even dream of digesting today was peppermint tea, chicken noodle soup, V8, and cake.
  • achiness. my neck and shoulders especially, but kind of all over.
  • loss of smile. just didn't feel up to it.
  • the wobblies – shakiness and feeling weak. probably due to loss of appetite.
  • ass-dragging, AKA lack of energy. again, see loss of appetite.
  • stuffy head.
  • swollen glands.
  • foul mood.
  • demotivation.
  • feelings of portent coupled with anxiety. I had a feeling, all day, that something was about to go wrong.
  • a vague sense of being outside myself.
  • hypersensitive senses – smells were intense, it seemed like everyone was yelling at me, lights were too bright.
  • malaise, in both senses of the word. I couldn't stand my own skin today. I wanted to crawl out of it and into a nice warm bath, shed it like a snake. I couldn't stand looking at myself in the mirror long enough to dry my hair and apply my lip gloss.

so those are my symptoms. What sort of weird-o illness have I contracted? well, maybe I'll explain more tomorrow. I'm thinking about a weekly-ish feature for Fridays. we'll see if it comes together. Hopefully if I sleep on it, I'll sleep my way right out of it. I'm going to skip my readings for class and get a good night's sleep with a magic bag and some lavender burning, and hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to get up and get to work on readings for class.

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When asked the question, "Who inspires you?", many people look to the examples of famous people: political leaders, movie stars, favourite musicians, athletes, authors, etc. I have my favourites among these, all of whom tend toward uncompromising and revolutionary visions: Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, the Dalai Lama, Nietzsche, Heidegger, Gloria Steinem, Oprah (that last one might be a bit pop cultural, but I'll defend her as a choice!). But when I look around me, I have all the inspiration I need in the form of my friends. I'd like to take a few moments to sing their praises.

  • One of my friends travelled across the whole world because she believed in love, against all odds. Her humour and ability to laugh at herself and find the best in every situation is abundant, her intelligence is sparkling, her aura is warm and fuzzy, and her faith is unshakable.

  • One of my friends lives her life with passion and complete integrity of character. Her laugh is infectious and her smile lights up any room; she is so beautiful. Her love relationship is lovely, smart and true. Her brilliance never ceases to amaze me.

  • One of my friends is so easy to be around that simply everyone loves her. She makes conversation effortlessly, knows almost everbody, and is thoughtful and kind to the point of selflessness. She laughs more than anyone I know, and her family is so wonderful, very close-knit. She is the salt of the earth.

  • One of my friends is completely single-minded and determined. She strives to be the best she can be in everything she does, pushing her boundaries all the time. She is driven; there is nothing she can't do if she sets her mind to it, and no goal is too difficult to be broken down into hard work. I can't wait to see where her life will go; she is a bright star.

  • One of my friends is so enthusiastic and fun-loving. She has a very social personality, and loves to help people and show people kindness. She is larger than life!

  • One of my friends overcame the devastating loss of a loved one to cancer with dignity and grace.

  • One of my friends is learning to break down her walls. It's beautiful to see.

  • One of my friends is full of generosity. She would do anything to help a friend in need. Sometimes, this hurts her some, but she doesn't let that prevent her from being so kind and caring.

  • One of my friends is committed to the idea of love. She has had several relationships that didn't work out, but her belief in soul mates and true love has kept her open and receptive. She has never had a list of qualities she expected to find in a mate, but was open to allowing fate to push her toward to right person. I am happy to report that it worked; I've never seen her happier.

  • One of my friends knows how to ask for emotional support when she feels vulnerable.

  • One of my friends is so easy to talk to. He never judges anyone, and listens with empathy.

  • One of my friends is a beautiful writer.

  • One of my friends has forgiven her mother.

  • One of my friends is an excellent mother.

  • One of my friends is so warm. She just has incredible warmth of spirit; it is comforting to be in her presence. She is even-tempered and steady. She loves her life and is always cheerful and gracious.

  • One of my friends is an excellent hostess and loves to entertain. Her cooking is fabulous and her home is inviting and livably lovely.

  • One of my friends has a way of cutting to the heart of things. One well-thought-out and well-placed comment often ends a discussion simply because he is right.

  • One of my friends is highly creative.

  • One of my male friends is a feminist.

  • One of my friends does nothing but laugh, all the time. He is so much fun. Being around him is a real treat.

  • One of my friends is always discovering new music! It's convenient that I like the same music as she does – she has expanded my music library, the soundtrack of my life.

  • One of my friends is mischeivous and fun to be around. She gets a little twinkle in her eye, and you just know you're in for a fun night!

  • One of my friends has more energy than any other person I have ever known!

  • One of my friends is the most easy-going person I have ever met, kind-hearted and soulful. He puts you at ease by just by being so centred.

All of these people have come to me for a reason. I have learned so much about myself through them, and they truly do inspire me to become a better person. I love them all, and I know they also love me; in fact, a few of them love me like no other. They bring much joy and depth to my life and my heart. I am deeply grateful for each of them and their ongoing presence in my life, and the inspiration they bring to me.

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